now it's getting real

Well. These last few weeks have been extremely hard for me. I said I was supposed to make a decision 3 weeks ago and here I am without anything decided. I gave one of the organizations a deadline of August 1st to have my answer. So that's the day for real this time and until then I don't think I can talk about it to anyone else. I have talked to TONS of friends about this decision, I have prayed and now it's time for me to just be still and have some God time. I am completely overwhelmed by the amount of support I have from some of my closest friends and family and know that either way I'll be fine. I had a chance today to talk to an incredibly encouraging friend...her conversation has helped remind me to see the excitement of this time rather than the stress.
 I guess I haven't helped myself,as far as making this stress free, since I am doing things kind of backwards...usually people have some sort of a plan then they tell their job and then move out. I moved out of my apartment last week, today I gave my 4 weeks notice, canceled memberships and changed my address and guess what?!...I STILL don't have a definite plan. That scares me just a little.
 There's no doubt that this whole process is something that God is using to help me grow closer to Him though. I am a person that likes to plan, that likes to have some control of things and wants to know what's to come RIGHT NOW.... and it's not really happened like that. I have had to be patient, I have had to have a crazy faith, one that trusts that when I jump He will catch me. I have had to ask for help (another thing I'm not always so great at).This is a moment I have thought, prayed, and dreamed about for years and years...and the moment is finally here and I'm dragging my feet! CRAZY. It seems silly for me to be prolonging this but I just want to feel a peace and be sure that whatever I decide is because of God and nothing else. That the choice will bring me closer to Him, that it will help others to see Him, and most of all that it will bring joy and praise to my God. Hey, maybe I can eventually be involved in both places!! :)

And honestly, despite the stress and worry of maybe failing at this...I am so thankful for even having this hard decision. That I have a chance to do something that I've always dreamed of doing because not everyone has that kind of a chance. I'm so thankful for God, for His love, for the peace in knowing that wherever I go He will be with me and I will never be alone. I'm so thankful for the wonderful people in my life (special thanks to my 'rents and the bf...they've definitely been thrown into chaos and have been beyond AMAZING). I'm sure they are SO tired of hearing about this by now ha...but everyone has truly lifted me up so so much. so thank you from the bottom of my heart. I am crazy excited (and maybe a little anxious) for this new chapter in my story to finally unfold! And now it's getting real...Ahhhh!!! :) 

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