decisions, decisions.

I am in the midst of making some big decisions in my life and it's freaking me out just a little. After talking to my very grounded guy he has helped me to remember to trust in God with everything and pray. (see how amazing he is!?)  My parents are behind me whatever I do...which is AWESOME and makes me tear up just thinking about it. I, on a personal level, am just having a more difficult time than usual to decide. I have been really trying to ask God about this all and have felt at a stand-still with certain things. Last night I truly think God placed this woman in my path to give me some wonderful advice about all of this. A lot of times my worry is that I'm going towards things that I want to do and not what God wants with my life or that I just need to stop pushing to something different and be happy where I am. Anyway, what she said was so simple yet I really, really needed to hear it...basically it was that God will open the doors that need to be opened. I have to trust in God but I also have to make the first steps. Things will not fall in my lap if I don't work a little for them but I will be able to know where He is leading me by the way things come together. After thinking back on some previous things in my life I can absolutely agree with that. When I went to Puerto Rico for a summer for example, I had to apply to this job but everything came together sooooo smoothly that it was no doubt God working.  I am currently looking at about 3 different paths I have to choose between in a matter of days. Here they are...
MOVE out of this attic...no matter what this is happening within a month or so
1. move out and work as a traveling nurse for 3 months. Those 3 months could be used to help me save money, work somewhere cool, and decide on if I am coming back to buy a house/rent a different place or if I'm going on to missions.
2. buy a place/rent a new place, buy a car---stay at my current job, study for GRE, go to Grad school, get more involved here in different things, continue serving where I serve
3. Go to Haiti or Honduras for a year...then come back and do number 2.

I think one thing that makes me linger on some decisions is this amazing person I have in my life now...it's not easy to think about leaving or staying without him. And it's weird because I never thought I'd be like this...but things change I guess. He's so great with all of this though...he wants me to do what I feel like I'm called to do and we've talked about still making things work no matter where we end up. So what's the big deal ? it just scares me to lose such a wonderful person in my life and honestly it would just be so  much better if we did it together...but I have made myself promise to never ever pressure or push anyone into doing anything, so this is no different.  I'm going to leave that part of my life completely to God though...because it's something I can't control.

The traveling company needs to know by tomorrow on my decision which means I would have to tell my manager which makes everything official. So stinkin' scary. Especially when I hear that it's a crazy idea to leave such a steady, awesome job I really like for uncertainty and no money in a time like now.

And within these all I am looking at 3 different organizations to work at
- Nuestro Pequenos Hermanos---A place in Honduras and Haiti
- Northwest Haiti Christian Mission
- A hospital in northern Haiti with Catholic monks. :)

I really don't know who to talk to about this to make me feel better about a decision. Some days I feel sick to my stomach and my heart hurts to think of what I might be leaving or not doing. But man, I guess it's an awesome thing that I even have these opportunities!!!! I need to look on the positive side of things right? What God will be able to do through me...what I will learn and gain....that I will be fulfilling a dream whether it fails miserably or not... I guess I'll continue to pray pray pray and go ahead and apply to those 3 organizations. and I guess the whole traveling thing will be a surprise to everyone tomorrow...even me :) 

Please pray for me and my decision...that it is completely following the will of God for my life. Thanks and any advice is greatly appreciated!!